Nick Armistead

20 clubs have come and gone for just the one season over the course of the VAFA’s history, but none have left their mark quite like Coolaroo Rovers.

With teams such as Melbourne Shipping Companies (1922), State Electricity Commission (1947) and Carnegie Church of Christ (1947) putting their hand up for most random one-year clubs over the past 128 years, the Coolaroo Rovers side of 1980 was certainly the most memorable.

Joining this week’s VAFA ‘Clubs in Focus’ Podcast, 3AW Breakfast radio legend and former University Reds player, Ross Stevenson, re-lived the time he and his fellow Reds had the Coolaroo Rovers experience.

“Before the game, I went and stood next to their senior coach and I said what do you do for a living?” Stevenson said.

“He (Coolaroo’s coach) said ‘I’m a social worker’. And I thought that’s terrific – anything that’s softer than a university student.

“I said where do you work? He said Pentridge Prison.

“I said what do you do there? He said I help rehabilitate long term prisoners and help them assimilate back into the community.

“I said how do you do that? He said by getting them to play for this football team.”

If the shock of playing E Section football against a team of hardened prisoners wasn’t enough for Uni Reds, the ensuing pre-game chat between one of Stevenson’s teammates and his opponent gave a fair indication of what they were in for.

“Our centre-half forward was a doctor and his opponent put his hand out to shake hands and the bloke simply said, ‘I’m going to put you in hospital’,” Stevenson said.

“And our bloke said, ‘well I’m a doctor’, and the bloke said, ‘good, you’ll know your way around then’.”

To say the game was rough would be a gross understatement with Stevenson finishing the match with a face reconfigured by one of Coolaroo’s big men.

“I fell to the ground and their ruckman stood on my face and dragged his stops across my face,” he said.

“I was a lawyer then. I had to go into work in the morning with big gouges down my face.”

The club was eventually charged with ‘conduct unbecoming’ from the VAFA but HQ insisted the club provide a police presence at its matches and pay for the cost of a second umpire at all of its games. Then an ‘indescribable scatological incident’ occurred which resulted in Coolaroo Rovers being expelled at the end of the 1980 season.

For those playing at home, the incident involved flushing umpire clothing down the toilet and was followed shortly thereafter by a post-game trip into their opponent’s change rooms.

Stevenson became just the fifth player to notch 100 games for Uni Reds when he reached the milestone in 1982 after joining the club while at Melbourne University. The Reds would later break away from Melbourne University and merge with Fitzroy.

To hear this and many more stories from Stevenson, Fitzroy FC champion Kevin Murray, former Reds great Peter Hille, current captains Julian Turner and Jess Hayes, and President Joan Eddy, tune into the ‘Clubs in Focus’ Podcast above.

Photo: Herald Sun